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Month: October 2025

Find Your Chosen Family at the J

Posted on by Erica Silverstein

When you don’t have family nearby, holidays can feel more intimidating than joyful. 

I moved to Northern Virginia in April 2016, the week before Passover. We didn’t know anyone Jewish in the area, and as our home was still half full of boxes, we asked a local synagogue to match us with seder hosts. Their hospitality was lovely, but making small talk over matzoh while keeping an eye on a fidgety preschooler and toddler was awkward. I wasn’t keen to repeat the experience for the fall holidays. 

That gave me nearly half a year to find “my people” — new friends to share my holiday table at Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot, and Chanukah. But where do you meet people as the parent of small kids when you work from home? The answer turned out to be the J. 

Every afternoon, I drove to the J to pick up my kids, first at the ECLC then at camp. Inevitably, my daughter would refuse to put on her shoes, so we would wait in my son’s preschool classroom until she was willing to put on outerwear. Once summer came, I had to physically extract my son from his beloved counselors on a daily basis, which always took longer than expected. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time at the J! 

Which meant I started to recognize and talk to the “regulars” there. I chatted with other preschool parents when we arrived at the same time to pick up our children, waiting for the kids to shed their Elsa dresses or finish their art projects. I said hi to folks I recognized from our synagogue, and we asked each other what brought us to the J. Conversations turned into play dates and occasionally a Shabbat dinner. 

I also connected with the J’s Growing Jewish Families program. I met one of the ambassadors for coffee, and she told me about area events, such as apple picking and ice cream socials, perfect for meeting other families with young kids. 

I even started talking to strangers! I always crossed paths with this one woman, who was about my age with curly hair just like mine; on more than one occasion, folks at the J confused me for her. I finally had a real conversation with her when we both showed up to a planning meeting for a new women’s Rosh Chodesh group. It turns out she worked for the J and was also an ECLC parent, plus we shared a Boston connection. Her family was one of the first people I invited over to my new house, when my dining room was set for hosting but my living room still had no furniture. 

Thanks to the J, when the holidays rolled around again, I had a new, chosen family to invite to my Rosh Hashanah dinner and Chanukah party. No need for holiday blues or awkward small talk with strangers. 

Whether you’ve moved here for work or to be closer to your grown children, or you’re a longtime resident whose friends and families have moved away, you, too, can find your people at the J. Make a friend at a pickleball or mah jong class, chat with fellow parents at preschool or Chai 5 aftercare pickup, find a workout buddy at the J-Fit gym, or connect with others over volunteer work, art openings, and speaker events. Your holiday table – not to mention your social calendar – may soon fill up. 

Ready to make new friends and discover your chosen family? Check out the J’s calendar of events to find a program that fits your schedule and interests. 

Honoring Coming Out Day: A Guide for Parents

Posted on by Eila Nash

October 11 is National Coming Out Day, a date that represents a complex mix of pride, courage, self-acceptance, fear, and excitement for members of the LGBTQ+ community. For anyone navigating the emotions and conversations surrounding this day, the Pozez JCC remains committed to being a safe and welcoming home for all families and individuals. We encourage you to read our guide for parents as we reaffirm our dedication to providing a truly inclusive space where every member of your family feels seen, supported, and celebrated. 

Navigating the process of coming out can be challenging, and recent data underscores the importance of parental support: As of 2022, 40.9% of LGBTQ+ youth in the United States were out to their parents/guardians, 34.3% were out to their siblings, and only 4.1% were out to their extended family, according to the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s survey of 13,000 LGBTQ+ kids (ages 13 – 18).   

Why is each percentage below 50%? Because more than half of the kids that do come out experience negative feedback from their parents and family. Children are afraid of facing rejection from their parents and that makes them reticent to come out. 

Luckily, over half of kids who come out have also experienced positive feedback from their families, with parents and guardians reassuring them that they like them for who they are or speaking positively their LGBTQ+ identity. 

So, what should you do if your child or school-aged family member comes out to you? In honor of National Coming out Day, here is some advice about what to do and what not to do: 

What to Do: 

Tell them you love them no matter what 

This is the best thing to say first, before you say anything else — even if your child’s announcement is hard for you to hear. It is also okay to say you need some time to process but say it gently and only after you’ve let them know you love them. Your child will wonder if you still care for them in the same way, and the wondering is enough to damage your relationship.  

Do your research  

Many resources exist online for parents with LGBTQ+ children. Do some research to learn what your child is experiencing, how to support your child, and how to cope if you are struggling with the change. Even trying to understand is better than nothing.  

Be open-minded 

Nearly 1 in 10 U.S. adults identify as LGBTQ+, so there is always a possibility that one of your children identifies this way, as well. If you let yourself be open to the idea of having a child in the LGBTQ+ community from the start, acceptance will come more naturally. 

What Not to Do: 

Don’t respond that you wanted grandchildren 

Gay and transgender people can have children! Adoption, IVF and surrogacy are all ways  members of the LGBTQ+ community can have children. Rest assured you may still have biological grandchildren, though you have no guarantee, even with a straight child, that your son or daughter will want children one day. 

Don’t ask when or why they chose to be gay 

Being LGBTQ+ is not a choice. It’s a choice to accept that part of oneself and it’s a choice to come out, but sexuality and gender are intrinsic. Gender identity is not only influenced by psychosocial factors like societal beliefs and innate sense of self, but also biological factors out of someone’s control, such as naturally higher levels of testosterone. Sexuality, similarly, is not something one chooses but something that is a part of you. Consider that you didn’t choose your sexuality, either.  

Don’t pretend they never told you 

Many parents fall into the trap of feeling like they’ve accepted their child’s identity but continue to ask them heteronormative questions. Do not ask your bisexual daughter, “When will you get a boyfriend?” or your transgender son if he wants to go dress shopping for prom. It’s not enough to accept them only in the moment they come out. It may take a conscious effort but be considerate about the things you say and whether or not you are erasing part of their identity with your thoughts and questions.  

These are just a few ways you can make coming out easier for your child. Though it’s incredibly important to accept and love your child no matter what, it can also be challenging for some parents to reimagine their child’s future self.  

My number one recommendation is to start your parenting journey with an open mind. Be curious about your child. Expect the unexpected. You are only in control of your own thoughts and actions, not theirs.  

Love your children — whether they’re gay, straight, bisexual, trans or nonbinary. Love them for who they truly are, and everything else will follow. 

Resources for families of LGBTQ+ individuals: 

To close, remember that providing unconditional love and support is the most powerful tool you have as a parent or guardian. Your efforts to research, learn, and offer positive affirmation can dramatically change your child’s experience for the better. At the Pozez JCC, we are proud to be a warm and welcoming community that celebrates diversity, inclusion, and belonging every day. Whether you are seeking resources, connection, or simply a safe space for your family to gather, know that you are seen, valued, and welcome here exactly as you are.  

Shlichut: A Bridge That Endures at the Pozez JCC

Posted on by Elisheva Thompson

For 18 years, the shlichut program at the Pozez Jewish Community Center has served as a living bridge between Israel and NoVa. Through the presence of an Israeli emissary, or shaliach, the program has offered a personal connection to Israel for community members, many of whom have never visited the country or met an Israeli before.

“It’s one thing to meet an Israeli by chance,” said Zina Segal, senior director of community engagement at Pozez JCC. “It’s another to meet a shaliach who has been trained to answer complicated questions, share their own story, and create spaces for dialogue. That is the unique power of this program.”

L’hitraot to Dean Bagdadi

This August, the community bid farewell to Dean Bagdadi, who concluded three years as Pozez JCC’s senior shaliach. From his earliest days, Dean embedded Israel as a central pillar of community life, through headline events like vigils with more than 1,000 attendees, and through quieter gatherings like weekly discussion circles and coffee dates.

Dean’s authenticity left a mark.

“He touched so many lives because he was open and nonjudgmental,” Zina reflected. “People felt they could ask him anything, and he would meet them with patience and calm.”

October 7 transformed his work overnight. Just 30 hours after the Hamas attacks, Dean convened an impromptu gathering of clergy, professionals, and community members. Days later, he helped lead a massive vigil uniting synagogues across denominations. The months that followed brought a surge of engagement, as people sought connection, solace, and understanding.

“In a short time, Dean drastically shifted the environment in Northern Virginia, helping us to build bridges and connections with one another,” said community member Aviva Walls. “He led with his heart, and we all felt it.”

A New Beginning with Chen Sara

With Dean’s departure, the program now enters a new chapter. The community welcomed a new shlicha in August: Chen Sara Mordechai-Kedar.

“Dean filled his shoes, and now Chen Sara brings her own,” Zina said. “Every three years we bring someone new with different skills, experiences, and perspectives, so the community connects with Israel in fresh ways.”

Chen Sara, a self-described “community nerd,” says people are her hobby. She thrives on dialogue, believing no question is too rude if it comes from genuine curiosity. Chen Sara, a half-Mizrahi and half-Ashkenazi Jew who identifies as LGBTQ+, will lean on her multifaceted identity to bridge differences and foster belonging.

Her story is deeply global. After her army service, she spent time in Cambodia, where she helped establish a sustainable community clinic that still operates today. “I see this work as an expression of tikkun olam, repairing the world,” she said. She also carries insights from Israel’s travel culture, noting that “Israelis often prioritize exploring the world over comfort at home, an impulse that reflects our deep curiosity and adventurous spirit.”

Above all, Chen Sara wants to open doors for dialogue, even across divides. She dreams of creating open, respectful spaces where people who generally disagree with one another can talk face-to-face productively.

Why Shlichut Matters

The shlichut program in NoVa is one of only two in the region, despite being home to the largest Jewish population in the DC area. For Zina, that makes it especially meaningful.

“Shlichut is about more than programs,” she said. “It’s about relationships. It’s about welcoming someone into our community who shares their life story and, through that, helps us strengthen our own Jewish story.”

As the community reflects on Dean’s impact and warmly embraces Chen Sara’s fresh perspective, the through-line is clear: Pozez JCC’s shlichut initiative is not merely for our community to learn about Israel or meet an Israeli, but to sustain a living and lasting bridge to Israel. By hosting, supporting, and integrating our Israeli emissaries, the J is ensuring that this connection continues to help shape the Northern Virginia Jewish community year after year.