Good Grief! How Widows and Widowers Find Comfort and Community at the J
“The only cure for grief is…grieving.” (Sharon Alman, LCSW)
When I lost my husband to brain cancer in 2017, I knew I needed help to live with grief and rebuild my life without him. I tried two different support group programs (Life with Cancer and Capital Caring Hospice), but they didn’t speak to me as a recent widow.
I was eager to meet others who had lost a spouse, since losing a husband or wife is different from losing a parent or sibling. No longer part of a couple, I had to learn how to function as a middle-aged single person, and I wanted to be around others who would understand what I was going through.
That’s when I became a founding member of the JCC Widow/Widower Support Group, a partnership between the Pozez JCC and Congregation Beth Emeth (CBE). Designed to assist adults who have lost a spouse or partner (recently or not so recently), the group met monthly and was facilitated by a caring psychologist, Dr. Rebecca Fleischer. She created a safe space to learn about loss and come to terms with the grieving process, while providing an opportunity for sharing, mentorship, and community building at no charge.
The Widow/Widower Support Group expanded rapidly and by 2020 a second psychologist, Dr. Libby Robbins, joined as co-leader. During Covid, the support group met on Zoom. A fellow widow volunteered to start a weekly, unfacilitated Zoom chat for those feeling lonely and sad.
To accommodate the growing need and serve a population who lived in the eastern part of Fairfax County, Arlington, and Alexandria, the JCC instituted a second support group, facilitated by a licensed clinical social worker, Sharon Alman.
At every meeting, roughly six to 16 widows and widowers tell their stories, shed tears, seek advice, discuss common concerns (such as handling holidays, traveling alone, making new friends, and dating), and feel they are not alone in their grief. Long-time members use their personal experience to advise newer attendees; they are living proof that things get better with time.
The group has been a godsend to me and many others other the years. “The Bereavement Groups have saved my life and continue to play an important role,” says one participant.
“The support group was just what I needed following my husband’s sudden and unexpected death and I am grateful to have found you when I did,” says one widow who discovered the group during the pandemic. “Since that time my life has taken a new and positive direction.”
Long-time members have seen changes in themselves and others after attending the group. One person started out stiff, quiet, and angry but then began to share and seemed lighter, as if a weight was lifted. Another person, who was quite distressed when she first attended, eventually felt calmer as she was embraced by the group. The group helps many to move forward while also keeping the memory of their late spouses alive.
“Grief is…painful, messy, and uncomfortable; but we need to feel and experience it to grow,” says Alman.
For other participants, the social component is key. To facilitate community, the groups extend invitations for meals after the meetings, bimonthly dinners, holiday get-togethers (including Valentine’s Day), and other outings.
Several members of the support group have been moved to give back to the JCC. “Along with my donation is my appreciation for your widow/widower support group. It has been a blessing,” one member noted with her contribution. You, too, can support this important service with your gift to the J.
Widows and widowers can attend support group meetings at two times and locations.
Congregation Beth Emeth, Herndon
3rd Tuesday of the month, 5:15 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.
Facilitated by Dr. Rebecca Fleischer and Dr. Libby Robbins
Pozez JCC of Northern Virginia, Fairfax
Sundays, once a month, 11:15 a.m. – 12:45 p.m.
Facilitated by Sharon Alman, LCSW
No admission fee. Registration required.
